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| (Child opens up a present) Child: Another Barbie doll? (throws it) Mom: Hey! You’re always complaining about how you want more toys! Child: I don’t like it! (Camera focuses on the stressed out mom) Narrator: Tired of stressing out for your kids? Mom: Always! I just don’t know what to do— Narrator: Well don’t stress about them any longer! Because I’m about to show you something that will take away all your problems! Mom: Really? That would be a miracle— Narrator: Hang on, you haven’t seen it yet! But I’m sure you’ll be even more excited when you do… behold… the new Celine Dion Barbie set! Mom: (frowns) Oh. It’s just that? Narrator: Now, wait a second! This ain’t no ordinary Barbie set! It can sing, talk, and everything— just like Celine Dion! Your favorite pop star! Mom: Um… yeah. Sure she is. Child: (pops in) Ooh! I wanna see! Narrator: This amazing new Barbie set will have your child fall in love with Barbie’s all over again! There are three Celine Dion Barbie’s altogether: The Celine Dion “Out-In-Service” Barbie, the “Celine Playing Tennis”, and “Celine’s Spooky Barbie Ghost”. (Focus on the Celine Dion “Out-In-Service” doll) Narrator: Why not make the Kingdom Ministry even more fun? Look! She’s all dressed and ready to go! All you have to do is push that little red button, so Celine can give you her presentation. (Kid pushes red button) (“Celine” walks up to a Barbie house, holding her book bag and bible. Instead of knocking on the door, she “knocks on herself” by banging her chest several times) ”Celine”: (singing) Open the door, baby!!! (The “householder”—another Barbie doll—comes to the door, shielding her ears) ”Celine”: (still singing) Take the Watchtower, baby!!! (SLAM!) Child: Awesome! Narrator: Wait until you see “Celine playing Tennis”! (Focus on “Celine Playing Tennis” Barbie doll) Narrator: What could be better than “playing Tennis” with Celine? With this new Barbie doll, we have made this possible! This Barbie doll was strictly designed to play Tennis just like your favorite diva! She’s got her jumpsuit, and all her equipment. She’s all set! All you have to do is push that little red button, and she’s ready to go! It’s Celine vs. Barbie! (Kid pushes button) (“Celine” walks over to the Barbie-sized Tennis court, and Barbie prepares to serve on the other side) ”Celine”: (singing) Hit the ball, baby!!! (Barbie serves) (With each hit, Celine shouts: “Baby!”) (A couple of seconds later, Barbie makes a lousy hit, and the ball goes under the net; “Celine” wins) ”Celine”: (still singing) You suck, baby!!! (Barbie gets mad, and hits the ball right at her chest; the Celine doll breaks in half) Child: (cries) Oh no, Celine’s dead! Narrator: Which brings us to our next Barbie doll, Celine’s “Spooky Barbie Ghost”! Perfect for Halloween! Mom: But we don’t celebrate Halloween! Child: Who cares? Narrator: It’s Celine, the friendly ghost! With her spooky green skin and bruised chest, she could give anyone the heebie-jeebies! But really, she’s the same beautifully talented diva as she was before. Push the red button and see… if you dare… (Kid pushes the red button) (“Celine” walks around like a zombie) ”Celine”: (in spooky voice) Whoo-oo! Whoo-oo! I’m a ghost… my name is Celine Dion… I died of three cracked ribs… “Open the door, baby!!!” (Door handle starts rattling) Child: (hugs mom) I’m scared! Mom: This isn’t funny! TURN IT OFF! (Narrator pushes red button; door stops shaking) Narrator: (laughs) Don’t worry, she won’t hurt anyone! If things get dangerous, all you have to do is push the red button again. Child: Whoa, cool! I want it! Narrator: All three Barbie’s are yours, starting right now for just $75! Each doll sold separately. Mom: WHAT? Forget that! I’m not a friggin moron! Child: Please, mom, please? Mom: Oh, all right! Child: Yay! (Celine Dion walks in front of the camera, holding her Barbie doll set) Celine: Hello. I am Celine Dion. What you have just seen here is an example of my love for the children. And these new Barbie dolls are ways of how I support the Child Safety Act. You see, children today have no good toys anymore, and I find that sad. So buy my new Barbie doll set today, and keep your children safe. I mean, it’s better than letting them play outside, where they can get hit by a car! Narrator: Now available at— Celine: Shut up, I’m not finished! Another way of how I support the Child Safety Act is by… singing. So now, I would like to sing a song dedicated to the children… (Orchestra builds up in the background) Celine: (singing) “So let the children remember the sun… Let them dance let them soar, for their lives have begun... Let the children engender the rain..." (After finishing the whole chorus, she goes into her big screech finale, as always) Celine: (screeching) OH yeah, baby!!! (Celine Barbie doll pounds her chest) Celine: That’s more like it! Narrator: Now available at a toy store near you. |
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