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| Background voice: It's Wednesday ... it's 8pm ... and you've waited long enough! Ladies and gentlemen ... here they are ... Jamie and Jessie! (Crowd cheers as Jamie and Jessie approach the stage) Jamie: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen! Jessie: On tonight's episode, we will be reviewing two new releases: The Fifth Sense, starring Bruce Willis and Haley Joel Osment; And Star Horrors, Episode VII: Luke Streetwalker starring ... Luke Streetwalker! Jamie: Our first movie, starring Bruce Willis as Malcolm Crowe and Haley Joel Osment as Cole Sear, is The Fifth Sense: A thriller about a kid with a really good sense of smell. But at the very end, he finds out that he was just smelling a bunch of dead people. Let's take a look at the clip: (Clip from The Fifth Sense plays) Cole: I think I’m ready to tell you what I’m smelling now… Malcolm: What is it? Cole: I smell bread, people… (Clip ends) Jessie: I highly recommend this one. The Fifth Sense is one of those films that rarely happens these days. In other words, we knew so little about it before sitting in the cinema that it wasn't ruined before it started. Jamie: I don't want to ramble on and on about it, so I'll just say... absolute perfection. An incredible story that had Jessie and I gripped from start to finish. The twist in the tale was totally unexpected as well. Jessie: I think we made our final decision. Definately a two thumbs up! Go see it! Jessie: And now, our second and final movie for today, is … Star Horrors, Episode VII: Luke Streetwalker. In this movie, Luke Streetwalker tries to make a pass at Han Solo. Han Solo had made it VERY clear that he wasn't interested, but Luke Streetwalker just won't give up. Let's see what happpens... (Clip from Star Horrors, Episode VII: Luke Streetwalker plays) (Luke Streetwalker walks on some street in Tatuin that looks like Hollywood Blvd. Each streetwalker he passes by starts laughing at him. But, unfortunatly, they all pass-out from his nose-splitting body odor) Luke Streetwalker: (In high-pitched girly voice) Oh - excuse me, ladies! (Han Solo pulls up with a small hot-looking space-shuttle) Han Solo: So… (Points to one of the passed out ho's) ...how much for the pretty lady? Grarr. Luke Streetwalker: Absolutely FREEEEEEEEEEEE! (Luke Streetwalker runs up and jumps into his space shuttle and tries to "attack" him) Han Solo: (Tries to fight him off) What the [beep] are you doing?! Get off of me! YOU'RE SICK! YOU'RE SICK! Luke Streetwalker: (Nervous) Oh, H-hi, Han! Um ... I didn't know it was you! It was dark, and I couldn't see-- Han Solo: BULL[beep]! What are you doing here, Luke?! Luke Streetwalker: You said you'd be here at 10! Han Solo: Not with YOU! Get out of "the dark side"! I came here to meet some real women. (Luke just sits there) Han Solo: What are you waiting for? GET OUT! (Han Solo pushes him out; Luke Streetwalker falls to the ground) Han Solo: No tinkerbells allowed! (Han Solo restarts engine) (Luke Streetwalker runs in front of space shuttle) Luke Streetwalker: Hey, wait a minute-- (Space shuttle hits him and flies off) (Clip ends; Jessie sits there silently, while Jamie rolls over laughing) Jessie: How could you possibly find that funny? Every gay guy in the world is gonna be BASHING this movie! Jamie: So? I’m giving it a two thumbs up, whether you like it or not! Jessie: I give this movie a two thumbs DOWN -- it had no point! Not to mention that watching the space shuttle hit Luke Streetwalker was just gross. This is by FAR the worst Star Horrors movie I have ever seen. It even put Gigli to shame! Jamie: You take that back! (Attacks Jessie) Jessie: (Choking) Don't be hatin'! Background voice: Jamie & Jessie will be right back. (Jessie stands back up with two black eyes and a busted nose) Jessie: Wait, I’m fine! (Jamie body slams Jessie) Jamie: How about now, punk? (COMMERCIAL BREAK) |
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| DISCLAIMER: This skit / site is not authorized by FOX or any of its entities. The Fifth Sense was created and written by Entertainment Weekly. We did NOT write it! And neither Bruce Willis nor Haley Joel Osment ever star in a movie called The Fifth Sense. The characters of The Sixth Sense are property of © Buena Vista Home Entertainment, Inc. We are NOT making any money off of this skit / site what-so-ever. The "clips" featured in this skit are not really featured in any of the following films. NO COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT INTENDED! NOTE: Sorry if we bashed your favorite movie. But remember -- We don't write our skits out of hate, and we certainly don't mean to offend anyone. |
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| All images © Jamie & Jessie - steal them and your suffering will be legendary |
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| READ THE SEQUELS, PART TWO AND PART THREE! |