Benzinger’s
1950 Local
Harm walked in the door just in time to see Mac laughingly protesting to Sturgis, who was trying to pull her out onto the dance floor. Apparently whatever Sturgis said was effective, because she finally gave a nod and followed him out. Harm noted that Sturgis held her loosely, but Mac was not in the least nervous. In fact, she was talking animatedly to Sturgis as they danced.
He paused to watch her, glad to see her relaxed and enjoying herself. It seemed like it had been years since he’d seen her out with people, laughing.
Feeling he was being watched, he turned his head to see the Admiral watching him watching Mac. Raising a hand, AJ gestured to him to join him at the bar. He walked over without greeting Mac, not wanting to interrupt her good time.
Taking a seat next to AJ, he greeted him. “Evening, Admiral. Good to see you.”
“Same here, Commander. Investigation wrap up early?” AJ gave him a half smile and a knowing look.
Harm gave him a grin in return. “Yes, sir. I was just tired of the carrier life and wanted to get back.”
Before AJ could roll his eyes, the bartender interrupted their conversation, and Harm ordered a beer.
As he turned back to the Admiral, he noticed AJ was looking out at the dance floor at Mac. “She’s amazing, isn’t she? She’s got to be one of the strongest people I’ve ever known.”
Nodding, Harm could only agree. “Yes, sir, she is.”
They both watched Mac for a moment, profoundly content to see her having fun.
Mac must have felt their eyes on her, for she turned her head and saw them. Well, she saw Harm.
AJ could almost hear an audible click as Harm and Mac’s gazes met. He backed away, smiling to himself as Harm didn’t even notice his retreat.
Mac excused herself from the dance with Sturgis and made her way to Harm. Sturgis, left on the dance floor alone, watched her go. He caught the Admiral’s eye, shrugged with a smile, then walked over toward him.
Mac’s
smile lit up her face as she approached Harm. “Hey, Flyboy, I
didn’t expect you to make it back tonight. How are you?”
Instead of sitting on the stool next to him, she leaned on the bar,
very close to him. He caught the scent of her, and reminded himself
sternly that they were just friends and that she wasn’t ready
for anything more.
Returning her smile, he answered her. “I’m fine, I was just
anxious to be back home. I’m getting to old for carrier life.”
He loved the sparkle in her eyes. She looked gorgeous. It was just so
great to see her happy.
Surprising him, she laughed and leaned in closer. “Really. I thought maybe you were just homesick.”
Was she flirting with him? Unsure, he looked away and began peeling the label off his beer bottle. “Well, that too.” Down boy, he reminded himself again.
A slender hand reached out to cover one of his hands. “I missed you.” Simple words, but the tone of voice conveyed so much more. It was sultry, seductive, and totally unlike the Mac he was used to.
Shocked, he didn’t move or say anything. Truthfully, he was too scared. What if he was reading this wrong? God help him, what if he was reading it right? His heart pumped even faster at that last thought.
When he showed no reaction, she withdrew her hand. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t do this to you.” He felt, rather than saw her falter. “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.” Moving away, she continued the apology. “I’m sorry, really.”
He finally kick started himself, grabbing her arm. “Wait, Mac…”
She smiled bravely at him, but he could see shame in her eyes. “It’s okay, Harm. I understand. I’m just going to-”
“No, wait.” He cut her off. “You just took me by surprise.” Attempting to smile reassuringly, he held on to her arm firmly. “I mean…I thought you didn’t want…you weren’t ready…” Embarrassed now; he wasn’t sure how to get out what he meant without sounding like an idiot.
“Harm, I understand.” He could feel her arm trembling under his fingers, and he cursed himself for his bumbling stupidity. Whatever she thought she understood, it wasn’t what he meant, but this time he was not letting her run away.
“No, you don’t understand anything. You’re jumping to conclusions. Just let me explain, ok?” Panic made him sound sharper than he intended, but she didn’t flinch. Nodding, she looked down, avoiding his eyes. She braced herself as if readying for a blow.
Marshalling his thoughts, he turned to face her. “Mac, look at me.” When she didn’t respond, he put a gentle finger under her chin, tilting it up. “Mac, please.”
Once
again there were unshed tears in the brown eyes that looked at him.
“Just say what you have to say, Harm.”
He took a deep breath and blurted it out before he thought. “I…I
love you.” Finally, he’d said the words. A huge weight lifted
off his shoulders.
But she didn’t react. “I know you do. No one could ever be a better friend, and I’m sorry I put you in this position.” She began to move away again. “Maybe we could just forget about this, ok?”
“I don’t want to forget about it.” He turned her around to face him, grasping both her arms. She was going to hear it now, regardless of consequences. “You’re not listening, Mac. I love you, not just as a friend. I love you…as a woman. And I want you…as a woman.” He was practically yelling now, oblivious to their surroundings. “I just didn’t know you were ready for…anything more.”
Her mouth opened in stunned surprise. “I didn’t…I don’t…what?”
He lowered his voice. “It’s you I want. It always has been.”
When she didn’t say anything, just stood and gaped at him, he smiled and slid his hands down to her wrists. He could feel her pulse, fast and furious, beneath his fingertips.
It was, he decided, highly ironic that Mac was the one tongue-tied and in shock. Usually it was he that couldn’t spit out the right words. She had that deer in the headlights look-panic-and he decided to give her a break, time to process everything.
He pulled gently on her hand, leading her to a table in the corner. “Come with me.”
Seating her at the small table, he sat down across from her and took her hand. “Mac, I can’t believe you didn’t know that.”
Once again she found it difficult to meet his steady, honest gaze. “I…I think on one level, I did. I guess I was afraid to believe it.” Her fingers wound around his. “But I love you too, Harm.”
Bringing her hand to his lips, he kissed it gently. “I’m glad to hear that.” He hesitated, then decided to ask the question. “It’s just…Mac, are you really ready to try for us? Because I can wait…as long as it takes.”
She risked a glance at him then, and smiled. “I want to. I’m scared, but I want to.” Taking a deep breath, she continued. “Remember the support group that Gloria insisted I join?”
“Yes.” He nodded at her to go on.
“Well, they’ve been pretty good for me. Supportive, encouraging. And vocal.” She gave a short laugh. “They think I should trust myself, and you. They think it’s time I stepped up to the plate.”
“And what do you think?” He held his breath as he waited for her answer.
Her other hand crept across the table to hold his. “I think they’re right.” Her dark brown eyes were full of love. “I love you, Harm, and I want to show that to you.” A light blush suffused her features, but her gaze never fell. “I want to feel like a woman again, with you.”
Somehow, his roguish sense of humor took over. He couldn’t help it. He raised her hands to his mouth again, kissed it, and waggled his eyebrows at her suggestively. “You’ve always felt like a woman to me.”
She giggled, then burst out laughing, taking him along with her. “Harm, you’re terrible!” She slapped his shoulder lightly.
Their shared laughter died away, and they were left holding hands again, and gazing into each other’s eyes. The silence should have been awkward, but it wasn’t.
There was a heat in her eyes that did not escape his notice when she said, “I think I’m very tired, aren’t you? I’m ready to head home.”
Standing, he pulled her to her feet as well. He just managed to refrain from kissing her. “Yours, or mine?”
“Mine. I’ll be waiting for you.” With one last look, she headed over to say good night to their friends.
He
grinned to himself as he watched her leave. The evening was definitely
looking up.